"Looks like I'm going to have to break out ol' Thunderbird"

This was originally saved on May 24 th, but the ADD Kid (me) for got to publish it. Please donate to your local MHMR chapter to end such lapses of the mind (I will greatly benefit) .

Ok... So I may be borderline OCD, but I deal with it. I realize this flaw. Maybe it is just that need to be in control. I meet regularly with a guy on Wednesday mornings. We have been doing for over 4 years. We have met at a local coffee place, a national coffee chain, and another store of the same chain. Sadly, this regular occurence will be coming to an end as of June 1st. My new family will be moving to Big D. The upside to this is I will moving with my best friend and know that I have a good friend not too far away. Ok enough of the mush. Here is the story.

We have met for 4 + years on Wednesday mornings at 6:00... A.M. That's correct. We both get up before the sun (and 90% of humanity) and get ready for work to meet for coffee. The first year we did it out of a commitment to discipleship. The second year we did it as a commitment to accountability. The past 2 years we have done it purely because we enjoy hanging out with each other and realize that we see so closely together on so many topics that there is a good chance we were separated at birth... two years apart from one another. I am not sure how that could happen, but lets just play along. On this morning, our last time to officially meet, I didn't sleep in. I got up right when the alarm sounded and was getting dressed as quietly as possible so as not to awaken my travel-size better half from perfectly charming slumber. She is not insane enough to rise that early to sip java. I figured marrying her would help increase the collective I.Q. of my family's gene pool. Hopefully, when they inact the Minimum Intelligence Quotient Required for Procreation Act (or MIQRPA, seriously this belongs in a blog itself.) hers will be high enough to counteract my negative number.

I was about halfway into the throws of assembling my ensemble for the day when my beautiful better half looks up from a hazed slumber and says "are you late?" I glance at the clock and say "no, I have plenty of time". My mind then starts wondering... "Am I?" In my state of question, I look down at my watch to confirm that it is in fact 5:20 as the alarm clock states. My watch confirms my worst fears. It is in fact 6:20 and I am not nearly ready. My better half received an iHome for Christmas. It is an interesting device that allows a user to play his or her iPod on a platform that vaguely resembles the Bose Wave Radio. (I can just hear the Paul Harvey radio spot now) These days everything has an "i" in front of it. There is the iPod, iTunes, iGo, and iHome. What is next the iToilet. I can't even imagine the functionality behind the iToilet. Speaking of functionality, the iHome has everything:

• Wake to iPod®, AM/FM Radio, or Buzzer
• Removable dock inserts fit all docking iPods and charge your iPod while docked
• Sleep to your iPod or AM/FM radio, with Programmable Sleep
• Stereo drivers in our exclusive Reson8™ speakers deliver astounding clarity, depth, and power
• Patch cord included to play shuffle/CDs
• Gradual Wake and Gradual Sleep increase/decrease Alarm/Sleep volume
• Multifunction LCD Display with adjustable backlighting

There is one little feature that they don't list:

• The ability to "Spring forward" with the flip of a switch!

That's right ladies and gentlemen. Our society has become so lazy that our clocks are now coming with a toggle switch for daylight savings time, because hitting those two buttons is entirely too much physical exertion. Apparently, my better half was cleaning the night stand and the iHome fell off inadvertantly flipping the iHome back to Central Standard Time instead of Central Daylight savings Time. My poor wife felt so bad and it wasn't her fault. It was purely an accident perpetuated by the laziness of society (Trust me she didn't get the iHome because she is lazy). I then realized I was going to have to break out "Ol' Thunderbird". You see Ol' Thunderbird is Darth Vader black, has 6 buttons: Alarm 1, Alarm 2, Time Set, Snooze, Time down not so fast, and Time up ridiculously fast! The combination of these will allow you to set the desired time, schedule two different alarm settings, and program the alarm to play a fuzzied AM Radio station or a eardrum piercing, blaring, buzz that will indeed make the neighbors wet the bed. Together, this functionality has faithful awoken me for every early morning meeting I have ever made.

When Ol' Thunderbird was perched on patrol I know that there was slimmer chance I would screw that thing up. At least I know that if something was screwed up there was only me to blame. You didn't have to analyze the situation and realize that a design flaw was culprit. I could just chalk it up to good ol' fashioned stupidity.