Mike's Hard Lemonade? Really?? REALLY???

So a colleague and I were talking with a Business Analyst that works for our current client and he was complaining about how much it costs to go to a major league baseball game. I actually agree that it is ridiculous to charge what they charge for tickets, parking and concessions. He then goes on to say that it shouldn't cost $250 to take a family of four to a game. Our natural reaction was, "What did you buy?" He then goes through the list, "Tickets and parking and nachos and a foam finger for his daughter and two rounds of Mike's Hard Lemonade at $13 per round and..." Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, WHAT??? This was not a figurative statement. Our shock was apparent. My first question was "Wait, YOU got a Mike's Hard Lemonade?" He then goes on to extol the virtue of the Raspberry flavored. I literally kept looking to the sky waiting for a HUGE can of Old Milwaukee to fall on him with the booming voice pronouncing "Men should act like men.". Needless to say, after we walked away there was a good snicker between us.

So Man Law #235: Even if you like Mike's Hard Lemonade don't EVER order it in public. Especially at a public venue where you have to pay a premium. Come on!

As my colleague and I were walking away, he comments "I guess they must have been out of Smirnoff Ice." I immediately realized that would have been an awesome line after this guy divulged that he not only likes but actually orders Mike's Hard Lemonade in public.

Rack'em,
The Traveler

Cold, Cold, Cold...

This is one of the coldest quotes I have EVER read!

"All right, I'll ask: How come it took three seconds to euthanize Eight Belles, but the WNBA is starting Year 12?" -- Bill Simmons, ESPN Page 2

It also happens to be one of the funniest...

Rack'em,

The Traveler

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Man-Whore Douche Bag and the Slut

Judging from the title of my entry, you can assume that the Travel Size One and I went to see the latest installment of the Chronicles of Narnia. I, however, had a COMPLETELY different experience than everyone else in the theater. Here is the story C.S. Lewis didn't tell you.

The Travel Size One and I arrived early as any avid movie goers would. Actually we were going to try and make the 1:20, but due to traffic and other unforeseeable events arrived late. So we decided to wait 30 minutes for the next movie and grab prime seats. Neither of us likes to sit in the nose bleed, nor do we like to sit in what I call the "I need a chiropractor the next day" seats up near the front. So we get into the theater and we are the first ones there. Championship! Prime seats! Pick of the litter. Oh how we were wrong! People started to trickle in. People behind us, people in front, people to the left, and people to the right all enter and prepare to partake in a great story. The people to our right and left do the appropriate thing and leave a "buffer" seat in between us and them. Note: this is also proper etiquette for dudes when attending a movie without the fairer sex. Each dude should leave a "buffer" seat in between the other dude and not groups.

The previews are about to start when this lady walks into our row and asks the couple next to me if they can move down. They oblige and that's when the whole experience when to hell in a hand basket. I swear they had to be in their early 20's. The Travel Size One said late teens. Regardless, they should know better. The minute they move next to me they start making out. I am not talking about kissing or cuddling. I am talking petting and rubbing and heavy breathing and sucking on face and fingers. I immediately think, "GET A FRIGGIN' ROOM!" I swear at one point she had her hand near his crotchal region and down his shirt. This was not worst of it. Oh no! They were talkers. Something crucial would happen during one of their "Sessions" and the Slut would say, "What did he say?" To which the The Man-Whore Douche Bag would respond in a loud voice and repeat the previous two sentences making it difficult for me to hear the following two sentences. Another annoying point is that he would make snide remarks through out the movie or laughing during serious moments. Overall, they were both idiots and didn't know the appropriate make out etiquette for movie theaters. Sit in the back or DON'T.

Next week I will review the dwarf and clubfoot circus that will no doubt ensue during our jaunt to see the upcoming Indiana Jones movie.

Overall, Prince Caspian, two thumbs up! I was a little disappointed in that I kept waiting for Prince Caspian to say, "Hello, My name is Inigo Montoya. You kill my father. Prepare to die!" and it never happened. Watch it, you'll see what I mean.

Sweep the leg!

How have I not seen this before? There is a great line in the "The Fight" episode of the Office that slays me everytime I see it. Kevin is watching Michael and Dwight prepare to fight and he says as deadpan as possible "Sweep the leg". The first time I saw it, I rolled and the Travel Size One didn't know what it was from. I said, "Honey, that is from the Karate Kid". Her response was, "Oh my goodness, you know more random stuff than anyone I have ever met". To which I respond, "A-thank you"!

Kobra Kai, Do or Die!,

The Traveler

You can't make this stuff up...

... so I am posting the link and article. The Travel Size One sent this to me.

http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/news/localnews/stories/051408dnmetitch.f81a31c3.html

Man uses gun for backscratcher, shoots himself
01:43 PM CDT on Tuesday, May 13, 2008
By KIMBERLY DURNAN / The Dallas Morning News kdurnan@dallasnews.com
A Fort Worth man trying to scratch an itch on his back used a revolver and accidentally shot himself.

Jorge Espinal, 44, was drinking beer and playing poker around 3 a.m. Sunday in his home in the 3500 block of Montague Street, when he got up from the table and walked into another room, said Fort Worth police Lt. Kenneth Dean.

“He told officers he had an itch on his back and grabbed the first thing he could get a hold of, which was a revolver,” Lt. Dean said. “The gun went off."

Mr. Espinal went back and told his buddies that he shot himself. “They didn’t believe him until they saw the blood coming down his back,” Lt. Dean said.

Mr. Espinal was taken to an area hospital, where he was treated and released with non-life-threatening injuries.

Things I wonder about

I was listening to my favorite radio show this morning and they have these two guys (not the hosts) who do all these sound bits or take songs and change the lyrics to make fun of someone or something. They are actually quite funny, talented, and rarely hurtful. Of course they never make fun of me so maybe that's why it is funny and not hurtful. :) Last week they were watching the Spygate videos provided by the NFL and basically just goofing around. Well this was all caught on tape. At one point the one guy was asking what a guy on the video was doing, and the other responds that he isn't doing anything. The first guy says, "No he is making signals, but it wouldn't be good if he weren't doing it discretely". The other guy says, "How is it that you can do something discretely, but can't do it cretely".

I thought this was an excellent point and wanted to take it to my readers (all two of you). Here is my word. You can do something nonchalantly, but I have never heard of anyone doing something chalantly.

My comments are open, so fire away.

Rackem,

The Traveler

Yup, these are my clients...

I was talking with a former colleague a while back and he mentioned that while he worked for this company who was a client of mine they sent out a memo or posted it on the intranet. Again, I am not making this up... It actually happened (You can't make this stuff up).

Please Conserve Water

Conserving water is part of a total mindset of environmental responsibility. The U.S., with less than five percent of the world's population uses 25 percent of its natural resources. Please help
by conserving water. Be aware of how much water you use/ Awareness is the first step in conservation. The average person uses fifty gallons of water per day on the following activities:
Toilet.................................. 19 gallons per day*
Bathing & hygiene............... 15 gallons per day
Laundry............................... 8 gallons per day
Kitchen................................ 7 gallons per day
Housekeeping....................... 1 gallon per day
TOTAL................................ 50 gallons per day
*At work, the two greatest wastes of water from toilets are malfunctioning fixtures (toilets don't flush properly) and the "courtesy flush". "Courtesy flushers" use many extra gallons of water to ensure that others in the restroom don't experience any odors they created. While their intent is good, the result is extreme waste of one of the world's most precious natural resources. Please don't "courtesy flush". If the fixture isn't working properly, report it to your Real Estate Operations Manager.

Priceless!!

The whole thing is funny, but scroll to about 3 minutes and 40 seconds in the clip...

Exit Pig One, Pig Two... Same Story...

CLASSIC!