The Chronicles of Narnia: The Man-Whore Douche Bag and the Slut

Judging from the title of my entry, you can assume that the Travel Size One and I went to see the latest installment of the Chronicles of Narnia. I, however, had a COMPLETELY different experience than everyone else in the theater. Here is the story C.S. Lewis didn't tell you.

The Travel Size One and I arrived early as any avid movie goers would. Actually we were going to try and make the 1:20, but due to traffic and other unforeseeable events arrived late. So we decided to wait 30 minutes for the next movie and grab prime seats. Neither of us likes to sit in the nose bleed, nor do we like to sit in what I call the "I need a chiropractor the next day" seats up near the front. So we get into the theater and we are the first ones there. Championship! Prime seats! Pick of the litter. Oh how we were wrong! People started to trickle in. People behind us, people in front, people to the left, and people to the right all enter and prepare to partake in a great story. The people to our right and left do the appropriate thing and leave a "buffer" seat in between us and them. Note: this is also proper etiquette for dudes when attending a movie without the fairer sex. Each dude should leave a "buffer" seat in between the other dude and not groups.

The previews are about to start when this lady walks into our row and asks the couple next to me if they can move down. They oblige and that's when the whole experience when to hell in a hand basket. I swear they had to be in their early 20's. The Travel Size One said late teens. Regardless, they should know better. The minute they move next to me they start making out. I am not talking about kissing or cuddling. I am talking petting and rubbing and heavy breathing and sucking on face and fingers. I immediately think, "GET A FRIGGIN' ROOM!" I swear at one point she had her hand near his crotchal region and down his shirt. This was not worst of it. Oh no! They were talkers. Something crucial would happen during one of their "Sessions" and the Slut would say, "What did he say?" To which the The Man-Whore Douche Bag would respond in a loud voice and repeat the previous two sentences making it difficult for me to hear the following two sentences. Another annoying point is that he would make snide remarks through out the movie or laughing during serious moments. Overall, they were both idiots and didn't know the appropriate make out etiquette for movie theaters. Sit in the back or DON'T.

Next week I will review the dwarf and clubfoot circus that will no doubt ensue during our jaunt to see the upcoming Indiana Jones movie.

Overall, Prince Caspian, two thumbs up! I was a little disappointed in that I kept waiting for Prince Caspian to say, "Hello, My name is Inigo Montoya. You kill my father. Prepare to die!" and it never happened. Watch it, you'll see what I mean.