"Looks like I'm going to have to break out ol' Thunderbird"

This was originally saved on May 24 th, but the ADD Kid (me) for got to publish it. Please donate to your local MHMR chapter to end such lapses of the mind (I will greatly benefit) .

Ok... So I may be borderline OCD, but I deal with it. I realize this flaw. Maybe it is just that need to be in control. I meet regularly with a guy on Wednesday mornings. We have been doing for over 4 years. We have met at a local coffee place, a national coffee chain, and another store of the same chain. Sadly, this regular occurence will be coming to an end as of June 1st. My new family will be moving to Big D. The upside to this is I will moving with my best friend and know that I have a good friend not too far away. Ok enough of the mush. Here is the story.

We have met for 4 + years on Wednesday mornings at 6:00... A.M. That's correct. We both get up before the sun (and 90% of humanity) and get ready for work to meet for coffee. The first year we did it out of a commitment to discipleship. The second year we did it as a commitment to accountability. The past 2 years we have done it purely because we enjoy hanging out with each other and realize that we see so closely together on so many topics that there is a good chance we were separated at birth... two years apart from one another. I am not sure how that could happen, but lets just play along. On this morning, our last time to officially meet, I didn't sleep in. I got up right when the alarm sounded and was getting dressed as quietly as possible so as not to awaken my travel-size better half from perfectly charming slumber. She is not insane enough to rise that early to sip java. I figured marrying her would help increase the collective I.Q. of my family's gene pool. Hopefully, when they inact the Minimum Intelligence Quotient Required for Procreation Act (or MIQRPA, seriously this belongs in a blog itself.) hers will be high enough to counteract my negative number.

I was about halfway into the throws of assembling my ensemble for the day when my beautiful better half looks up from a hazed slumber and says "are you late?" I glance at the clock and say "no, I have plenty of time". My mind then starts wondering... "Am I?" In my state of question, I look down at my watch to confirm that it is in fact 5:20 as the alarm clock states. My watch confirms my worst fears. It is in fact 6:20 and I am not nearly ready. My better half received an iHome for Christmas. It is an interesting device that allows a user to play his or her iPod on a platform that vaguely resembles the Bose Wave Radio. (I can just hear the Paul Harvey radio spot now) These days everything has an "i" in front of it. There is the iPod, iTunes, iGo, and iHome. What is next the iToilet. I can't even imagine the functionality behind the iToilet. Speaking of functionality, the iHome has everything:

• Wake to iPod®, AM/FM Radio, or Buzzer
• Removable dock inserts fit all docking iPods and charge your iPod while docked
• Sleep to your iPod or AM/FM radio, with Programmable Sleep
• Stereo drivers in our exclusive Reson8™ speakers deliver astounding clarity, depth, and power
• Patch cord included to play shuffle/CDs
• Gradual Wake and Gradual Sleep increase/decrease Alarm/Sleep volume
• Multifunction LCD Display with adjustable backlighting

There is one little feature that they don't list:

• The ability to "Spring forward" with the flip of a switch!

That's right ladies and gentlemen. Our society has become so lazy that our clocks are now coming with a toggle switch for daylight savings time, because hitting those two buttons is entirely too much physical exertion. Apparently, my better half was cleaning the night stand and the iHome fell off inadvertantly flipping the iHome back to Central Standard Time instead of Central Daylight savings Time. My poor wife felt so bad and it wasn't her fault. It was purely an accident perpetuated by the laziness of society (Trust me she didn't get the iHome because she is lazy). I then realized I was going to have to break out "Ol' Thunderbird". You see Ol' Thunderbird is Darth Vader black, has 6 buttons: Alarm 1, Alarm 2, Time Set, Snooze, Time down not so fast, and Time up ridiculously fast! The combination of these will allow you to set the desired time, schedule two different alarm settings, and program the alarm to play a fuzzied AM Radio station or a eardrum piercing, blaring, buzz that will indeed make the neighbors wet the bed. Together, this functionality has faithful awoken me for every early morning meeting I have ever made.

When Ol' Thunderbird was perched on patrol I know that there was slimmer chance I would screw that thing up. At least I know that if something was screwed up there was only me to blame. You didn't have to analyze the situation and realize that a design flaw was culprit. I could just chalk it up to good ol' fashioned stupidity.

I am becoming domestic

Well, it has been three weeks since the Travel Size Better Half and I were married. I refuse to refer to events as anniversaries that are not truly celebrations of one year (365 days) passing. It really is a pet peeve of mine when someone say its our three month anniversary. There is no such thing! By definition, anniversary is The annually recurring date of a past event, especially one of historical, national, or personal importance: a wedding anniversary. It implies that at least one year must have passed. Now by all means refer to it as your Three-month-versary. By eliminating "anni" you eliminate the fallacy that a year has passed. Lesson over! Move on! (Not really sure where that spout of anger came from, but it felt good to release.) Since we have been living together, there are several tendencies that I have noticed which infer that I am becoming domestic. Here are just a few of the things I have noticed:

I feel compelled to say, "Honey, I'm home" upon walking in the door from the office.

I had a great time this past weekend... just cleaning house and packing.

I am now using "Color Treatment" shampoo when in the shower. (maybe that is a vain effort to keep my hair from turning gray. Not sure if it's working.)

I like doing chores.

I don't always have to be "dressed up" when I leave the house. Granted this is a little femme, but it's the truth!

I like going to bed early.

I don't mind stopping and picking stuff up on the way home. It is actually a joy to do so.

I am getting better about putting the toilet seat down and closing the shower curtain so that mildew does not build up. (Mildew build up. Who knew!)

I double-check to ensure I am washing unmentionables in the appropriate manner. (Apparently, they make these little mesh bags that you can use to put your bras and panties in so... umm... never mind).

There are no doubt two schools of thought after reading this post:

Ladies: Where can I get such a great guy like this one. Well I am sorry, but they broke the mold after I popped out. No seriously, when you meet that certain someone and make it official there are these little chips that you can buy. They are easily injected into the brain and cause no pain. Wait until your spouse is asleep and perform the injection then. He won't even know what hit him and you will have yourself a perfect man.

Men: Come on Nancy, don't be such a pansy!

Aloha Beaches!

Yes, it has been over a month since I have posted anything, but I have been a little busy. Where do I start??? Oh yeah I got married! That's right baby! The Traveler is officially (and legally) off the market. The short, short version. I said I do. She said I do. I cried like a school boy bitch, and she didn't shed a tear. In all seriousness, which is rare on this blog, it was a wonderful event which we were very blessed to share with our dearest friends and family.

Now you are asking “what does the title mean?” After the nuptials my Travel Size Bride (no longer 't0-be') and I stowed away in First Class to the beautiful island of Maui (via Los Angeles). Random moment of the trip: Running into a former member of the singles ministry and his wife in LAX. Back to the story. We leave Houston at 2:30 PM and arrive in Maui at 8:45 PM (or 1:45 AM CDT). You can do the math. Originally we were supposed to be in at approx 4:30 PM, but The Airline changed our flight. In all my genius, I decide to book a bicycle tour down Haleakala (which I sware is Hawaiian for big mountain providing opportunity for all to break limbs). Essentially, we had to get up at 1:30 AM and drive (what everybody said would be an hour and a half drive) from our B & B to this little place called Haiku (which is Hawaiian for "suckas this drive only takes 45 minutes"). Needless to say we were REAL early and could have slept another hour! We then took an hour and a half van ride guided by a local up to the top of this dormant volcano. The whole way up, he gave interesting tidbits about the volcano and Hawaii. Stuff like the first settlers to Hawaii brought rats by accident, and all the rats (which are apparently as big as subway rats in New York) began to eat all of the indigenous bird eggs, pushing many of those birds to extinctions or endangering them. Someone did a study and took a mongoose and a rat and put them in a cage together, and the mongoose tore the rat apart. Pretty cool, but wait there's more. Come to find out they didn't do enough research and it turns out that the rat is nocturnal and the mongoose is not. So just as the mongoose is going to bed, the rat is just getting up to prowl. DOH! Now the islands are not only overpopulated by rats but mongooses as well (I couldn't decide if mongeese or mongooses was right so let us go with mongooses). I may get back to these guys in another post. I am running out of time.

Once we arrived at the top of Haleakala, we went to this scenic look out and watched the sunrise. Very beautiful!! If you ever have the chance to go to Maui, take this little trip! It is well worth it. It is absolutely freezing up there so bring a sweat shirt... and long underwear... and a sub-zero parka... and eskimo clothing... you get the point. After a most glorious sunrise, our guide took us to the bottom of the park and fitted us with mountain bikes. Apparently if you aren't appropriately fitted bad things can happen especially to the fellas! We then proceeded to ride down-hill for 27 miles. That's right 27 miles. Eat your heart out Lance Armstrong (Granted Armstrong rides up hill and ours really was down-hill). We had an absolute blast.

The next day (Tuesday), because we are gluttons for punishment, we woke up at 4:30 in the morning and got on another plane to go to Oahu. You ask, "what kind of a moron goes on vacation and then runs himself and his pint sized better half ragged?" I answer, "This kind of moron!" Now granted this may seem like a lot of "work" for a vacation, but after our trip to Oahu all was litterally relaxed. You ask, "Why in the world would two people go to paradise and not be satisfied enough to stay but rather get on another plane to go to another island?" I answer, "Because one of the two is a huge history nut (I mean the kind that checks the History channel right after checking all 20 sports channels nuts), and would not be able forgive himself if he did not take advantage of being less than 100 miles away from one of the most historic battles in American history." That's right. Pearl Harbor! My Travel Size Better Half had been to Oahu on family vacations before. The Travel Size Father-in-law is apparently as big of a history nerd as the Traveler (I am in good company). She has been there and done that. Not as monumental for her. For me though, I was in awe. There were models and mock ups and soldiers and replicas and my head just exploded. One of the most awesome things was the ability to go out to the actual resting place of the Arizona. This was seriously one of the most solemn occasions of my life. It had to rank right up there with The Changing of the Guard at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier (Between 7th and 8th grade). I, to this day, remember that very vividly almost 15 years later. This ranked right up there with that! Two observations from that day:

• There seemed to be a lot of Japanese visitors at the memorial that day.
• I saw several occasions where Caucasian visitors were cheerfully taking pictures while on the Arizona.

I have to admit until writing this post I was somewhat miffed by both. As I was pondering the first of these two situations, I came to realize that I had no reason to be upset about it. After seeing as many Japanese visitors as I did the thought crossed my mind, "How dare you come to this tomb, this place of mourning, this place of rememberance and trod around as though it were some tourist location". Then it came to me as I was thinking through this post. These people were probably not involved in the war. Even the oldest person there may have been, but may not have been engaged. This however was not the thought that changed my mind. What actually turned my thought pattern was the idea that these people were affected by the United States retribution on Japan after the attack on Pearl Harbor. This was the first known use of a weapon of mass destruction in the world. They had nothing to do with the attack on Pearl Harbor, other than being Japanese citizens, yet they reaped the whirl wind that came about because of the decision of a few.

The second set of people should be ashamed. I normally don't get on a soap box, but to see how some trample upon the memory of what will be known as "The Greatest Generation" is apalling. I guess my issue is that if you want to have some "Hey look where I am having a good time" photos taken go to a luau, or a helicopter ride, or Bubba Gump Seafood. Don't do it on a memorial of brave soldiers who died while defending my country. Shameful! Purely shameful!

These were only the first two days on Maui. I may come back to it at a later time when the creative juices are more readily flowing but for now, "Rack'em, I'm out"!